Monday 23 December 2013

Tis the Season...

Now that I've finally found the time - and head space - to write, I'm finding myself lost for words. Or at least, thoughts coherent enough to be processed into words worth reading. But since this is for myself, I suppose I'll just let myself ramble.

They say time flies when you're having fun. I don't know if you could call this year fun (dramatically exciting would be a better description), but time has most definitely flown by. It's been a year now, since I left Garena, and I'm eight and a half months into pregnancy.

Holy shit.

And as much as I wish I didn't transform into Would-Be-Momzilla, many of the thoughts in my head now are to do with the upcoming baby... And how on earth I'm going to transition from, well, me, into mom material. The other thoughts are whether I have transitioned from, well, me, into wife material. They  say you know you love someone when you wake up wanting to be a better person for them. I guess nothing has put that into perspective for me more than becoming a wife and soon, a mother.

Sometimes I'm still like what the fuck I am going to have a baby. I wonder if the baby's first word would be fuck. Or something equally damning. That would be unfortunate. I might find it funny. Well, I would find it funny, but I would pretend to be aghast along with everyone else.

But yes, back to all that... I guess in some small, selfish way, I wonder if I will ever have any 'me' time, again. For the next ten, twenty years. This year has been full of compromises and sacrifices, and it makes me wonder, honestly, whether that will ease up, or get worse, with a child in the picture.

For all these things, have I become a stronger, or weaker person? I should know the answer, but I really don't.

But for now, I really should get back to ironing. Let's hope tomorrow actually feels like Christmas Eve. Happy holidays, everyone.